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Hey kids. It's been a while, I know. Sorry about that. Yours truly has been busy joining the rat race and not writing for fun as much as for cash. I'm a freelance mercenary now and I kinda like it.

So I generally am not a toot-your-own-horn kind of person, but this is sort of big deal for me personally. I had a great time recently working with the ace staff over at Wedding Essentials magazine. If by chance your natural habitat is in Ontario (Canada) you might want to peruse a copy. I wrote an article or two and a bit of this and that. Lots of great stuff inside for brides-to-be!

Perhaps I'll just leave the horn casually aside and if anyone wants to give it a little toot, well, who am I to stop you?

The Day the Earth Stood Still

I saw this. It was great!

Shut up. It was. And not just because Keanu was in it. Well, partially. But really, no need for the critics to pan it so harshly. I've seen dozens of crappy films, and honestly, this one wasn't one of them.

So do yourself a favour and go see it on a big screen before it's gone. The effects are terrific, the story is poignant, the actors are natural (and handsome! Hello Jon Hamm, Kyle Chandler and my boy Keanu) and Jennifer Connelly and that cocky Smith kid do a nice job too.

Easily three bananas!

The Best Thing about Movie Trailers Was This Guy…

It was reported today that Don LaFontaine, 68, has died. Why do you care?

Because Don was *THE* movie trailer voiceover artist. He had worked forever in the Hollywood movie industry, and his enticing baritone voice was famous for intoning his trademark phrase, “In a world where…[insert crazy movie plot summary here]… only one man can save them… “.

NOW you know who I mean, don’t you? I can see you nodding your head in realization that it’s THAT guy. What a shame.

Going to the movies and enduring and endless loop of terrible, terrible “trivia” questions, 10 minutes of commercials and what feels like HOURS of coming attractions, you’d always perk up a bit and pay attention when you heard Don’s voice at the start of a promo.

Admit it. I know I did.

LaFontaine had worked on over five thousand movie trailers in his career. Lately he was even so renowned that he even got work satirizing himself in fake movie trailers! His was a unique voice in the blathering, babbling cinematic noise pollution that surrounds us.

I’m sure his death has left many movie marketing folks a little speechless today.

The X-Files Movie: Saying goodbye

Better late than never, right?

I had to wait a week to see it after opening, as my date was trying to cajole me into seeing some batshit-crazy dude with a penchant for purple suits instead, but I remained committed to seeing my old pals Smoulder and Scully.

Lordy, it's been a long time coming, so unless you were a hardcore X-Phile ten years ago (Guilty!), it gets a little difficult to muster up a lot of enthusiasm for what is, essentially, an extended M.O.W. (Monster of the Week) episode.

But, muster it up I did. Me and the other 25 people in the theatre. I had been dying to know what my fave spooky duo had been up to for the last decade, weren't you? Guess what - they haven't done ANYTHING.

Both agents have been off the FBI payroll for years. Scully works as a doctor for a Catholic hospital - her sense of faith is pretty tenuous even after all this time, and the symbolism for it was heavy and evident in all her hospital scenes. Her terminal young patient's name was Christian- could she save him? Come on, Carter, you didn't have to knock me so hard on the head with it.

Mulder's been out of commission, disrespected and dismissed by the FBI, isolated at home, clipping odd articles out of newspapers, eating sunflower seeds and throwing pencils into his ceiling, while growing an impressively scraggy beard fit for a New Zealander.

Once he is convinced by Scully to work on a new case for the Bureau, he picks up a razor and starts looking his Smoulder-y Fox-y Mulder best again. (apologies to my male readers, but girls, the man is sexy enough to make you choke on your Junior Mints - not that I did it.)

Back to the story so far - well I'm not going to give anything anyway, because it is a great episode, but "Fight The Future" it ain't! I knew going in that Carter & Co. weren't interested in continuing the conspiracy/alien arc (because seriously - who can remember it all?!) but I did expect an exciting, edge-of-my-seat kind of thrill which was more muted than we deserved after such a long wait.

I'm going to liken it to seeing an old friend after a very long time - you anticipate the fun you'll have, and are delighted to see them again, but after a few hours together you know that your relationship has changed and they aren't quite the same as you remember... and you know that this goodbye will be your very last. So you wave farewell fondly, and smile while your slightly saddened heart knows that the best things - and friends - are usually not meant to last a lifetime.

Goodbye Mulder and Scully - I loved you well and hope you live spookily ever after.

New book recommendation!

It's called "Skinny Bitch" by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin.

It calls itself, "a no-nonsense, tough-love guide for savvy girls who want to stop eating crap and start looking fabulous!"

It's a fast, funny read. It will kick you in your (fat, lazy) ass and give you some insight while making you laugh throughout. I loved it. It sneaks up on you when it gets a bit serious, but by then I was hooked and kept reading.

Already I have cut out caffeine, and dairy from my meals. I'm trying to cut out sugar, my serious foilble - and have been trying to eat very little meat.

Yes, I did get headaches with the caffeine withdrawl. But, after only a few days, I've noticed I'm having less sinus trouble, which the book suggested could be from a mild dairy allergy. Thankfully I feel my moods are more stable throughout the day without the sugar crash I would often feel in the afternoons when I'd eat something sweet to bring up my energy.

So far - so good. Eat those veggies and grab this insightful, bitchy guide.

Flight of the Clever Monkey

In a few short days, less than a week, yours truly is taking off to be in New York City at the same time as these dudes, to catch two of their show dates back-to-back.

As I can think of nothing else until then, and probably after, for a while... I leave you with this and my intentions to post again once I've regained my sanity. Thanks for waiting!

Street Kings

I was so torn about reviewing this movie that I have managed to distract myself for a week before coming to the inevitable conclusion, despite my own predilection towards Keanu Reeves, that "Street Kings" isn't actually very good.

I wanted it to be. It's been a while since my darling Keanu's last film ("The Lake House" - quite good all round with only a few weak spots) so I was hot for some Action Keanu along the lines of "Speed". (Don't get me started on "Point Break"; nothing can beat the glory that is Johnny Utah.)

I went on opening night, with Mr. Monkey (aka "WiseGuy") who sometimes indulges me in my Keanu fetish. Besides, there was going to be guns and blood and stuff, so that helped. It co-starred Oscar-winning Forrest Whittaker, so I assumed The One was going to be in good company.

Who knew this was the film where Forrest mugs and hollers and generally over-acts for the first time in his life? Not I. Who knew that Jay Mohr was going to wear a laughably-weird 70's porn-stache that just wasn't cool - unlike a certain New Zealander who comes to mind...?

And, saddest of all, who knew that when Keanu's character, Tommy 'is he a bad cop or is he the only good cop' Ludlow gets shot in the shoulder, he DOESN'T TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF!!?

Come on people! He gets shot in the arm and you have him roll up his sleeve rather than show me some wicked 40 year-old abs -- which should be my God-given, hard-earned $8.50, R-rated, Friday night RIGHT, for goodness sake! -- well, something is seriously wrong with this movie.

I'm not even going to review the plot, I'm too depressed. It was okay, but no one reinvented the wheel here and it got a little convoluted at the end. And did I mention, Keanu remained clothed?

;)

Two bananas.