Horton Hears A Boo!

Somebody stop me!

I'm going to scream if anyone suggests it's a good idea to put Jim Carrey and Dr. Suess together again.

Just came back from taking the pip-squeaks to see the newest animated mess that is "Horton Hears A Who" and the only nice thing I can say is, well, it's better than "The Grinch". Even the pip-squeaks were somewhat underwhelmed. But it was the last day of a cold March break, and we needed a diversion, so even though I knew better, off we went to the mall.

Maybe I was the only grinch in that theatre. This was certainly better than "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" and miles better than the hideous "The Cat in the Hat". There were a few hoots and short laughs, and obviously, it's hard to ruin a story as good as "Horton" is. But the filmmakers certainly tried.

Jim Carrey isn't worth the money. I'm sorry. As a fellow Canadian, it hurts to say it, but it's true. Jim makes Horton a goofy buffoon on a bit of a lark, not the stalwart, stubborn, determined fellow from the classic story most of us know and love. But you can't just blame Jim alone.

The animation is so tediously generic, it becomes hard to pay attention. Yes, it's pretty. Who-Ville is busy and off-kilter and does a fair job of interpreting the original illustrations and fleshing them out. Yes I admired how far computer technology has come to be able to render water droplets so realistically. But I don't think that should have been the main focus of the viewer. I found my mind wandering to the movie preview I had seen for the newest "Ice Age" installement. ("Dawn of the Dinosaurs", out in 2009. Looks fun.)

The full-length story and animation are full of distractions from this simple hero's tale. I certainly don't think my children, or any others in the audience today, would be able to tell you the theme of the story.

The big loser here is Horton himself, and his urgent message.

"A person's a person, no matter how small." This is so simple and poignant, a child could understand.

Unfortunately, this message is all but drowned by the clowning and grand-standing of the various characters. A celebrity voice, well-cast and discreetly placed, can be a true joy. Stuffing your film full of hot, current comedic stars in roles that don't require amps-to-eleven, face-pulling, jazz-handing performances steals from the plot.



I could have saved the production company barrels of cash by hiring proper voice actors, rather than current comic "celebrities". Even Steve Carell, whom I LOVE, could have stayed home. The only actors who, um, acted, were the always amazing Carol Burnett as the sour Kangaroo; and the fun Will Arnett as the evil Russian vulture, Vlad, which was a pleasant surprise.

My kids deserve better, and so do yours. I learned my lesson. Next time another "Dr. Suess" film rolls out, I'm sitting down with my kids to read them the book. AGAIN. It's far more interactive, and I think they like the sound of my voice better than Jim's.

You can just mail the million dollar cheques to my agent. *wink*