Should I "Get Smart" or is "Love Guru" All I Need??

Decisions, decisions!

Summer movie posters are out, and I can tell you already that on June 20th, I'll be outside my local cineplex... but which ticket will I buy?




Help!

I *LOVE* Steve Carell... but when Mike Myers gets lost in costume, he's *SHAGADELIC*...

They both look like so much fun, and Mike's Canadian, which (in my patriotic opinion) puts him in the lead, but Steve looks absolutely spot-on in this poster, so I strongly suspect he'll do a most amazing job as that darling old Maxwell Smart.

I might need help on this one, kids! Where would you spend your money first?

One Small Leapster for Man...

Kids fighting? Care to solve household strife? Want to stop your little one from bugging the life out of your bigger one? The answer: Leapster.

My little guy, nearly 4, is always following my 8 year old; driving him nuts with his desire to do what his brother does, play with his brother's toys, and generally gets in his way during his down time. My older son LOVES his Nintendo DS. (That's a hand-held game system, for you non-parents out there.) My little guy is constantly trying to sneak away with it. Trouble is, he's too little to read, erases saved files, and yesterday he switched the language setting to Italian!

Needless to say, the little guy needed a diversion. But no way in uh, heck, was I gonna buy him one of his own, at his tender age. I wanted something to keep him busy and be educational.

We bought him one this past Christmas, and now Easter is here and he STILL plays with it! That's three consecutive months with one toy! I don't know about you, but in this house, when a toy has a lifespan like that, it gets a gold star from me!

There are a nice variety of games to chose from, in varying levels of difficulty and age range. Children have to solve problems like recognizing patterns, letters or numbers in order to proceed with the game activities. His current fave is the "Cars" game where he can earn points to buy the neon to light up the town of Radiator Springs.

I highly endorse this game system. If you're looking for an Easter gift for a little somebody special, I'd certainly suggest the Leapfrog Leapster.

That looooooong drive to Grandma's house suddenly got a lot quieter!

I'm Addicted to MockBand!!

Yes, it is technically called RockBand. I don't care WHAT you call it, just move over and hand me those drumsticks!!

I heart this game.

It's insane - I'm not the demographic for it AT ALL. It's supposed to be marketed to young, single guys (I am neither young nor single, nor a guy) with lots of time and money (again, totally not me) who listen to a lot of music and like to hang out with their friends.

Not busy stay-at-home Moms with young kids and schedules to keep and lunches to make and other domestic crap that completely take away precious time to pound away on the fake skins!

I close my eyes at night and see the coloured buttons flashing by and I can feel my heart rate increase. I'm trying to convince my family that it's actually exercise, some arm work and a bit of cardio... but I sense they aren't buying it.

I do forget to eat, for hours at a time, so maybe there are still some health benefits I can glean from this addiction. I never even knew how to turn the PS3 ON before last week, when my husband brought the game home for "the family".

I even protested - it was too much money, the kids were too young - and then I played.

From the first moment I sang "Blitzkrieg Bop" loudly and flatly but still achieving a 100% score, I was done in. I progressed quickly to the drums, and now I'm accused of 'hogging' them.

As if. It's just that no one else in my family has the same innate sense of rhythm that I have.

I've dressed my avatar in fabulously expensive ripped clothing and gorgeous boots. She rocks. I wish I looked like her. Go ahead and call me a poseur - I am. What I love about the game is that I've rediscovered a fun side of me that often gets lost in the world of "Mom!" and I can play with both my husband and my son at the same time, working toward a common goal.

It can't be all bad when a game brings a family together; even if it is essentially playing air guitar in the basement.

So I echo my darling hero Ringo when asked if he was a Mod or a Rocker:

"Neither. I'm a Mocker!"

Mock and Roll Forever, Baby!!

Horton Hears A Boo!

Somebody stop me!

I'm going to scream if anyone suggests it's a good idea to put Jim Carrey and Dr. Suess together again.

Just came back from taking the pip-squeaks to see the newest animated mess that is "Horton Hears A Who" and the only nice thing I can say is, well, it's better than "The Grinch". Even the pip-squeaks were somewhat underwhelmed. But it was the last day of a cold March break, and we needed a diversion, so even though I knew better, off we went to the mall.

Maybe I was the only grinch in that theatre. This was certainly better than "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" and miles better than the hideous "The Cat in the Hat". There were a few hoots and short laughs, and obviously, it's hard to ruin a story as good as "Horton" is. But the filmmakers certainly tried.

Jim Carrey isn't worth the money. I'm sorry. As a fellow Canadian, it hurts to say it, but it's true. Jim makes Horton a goofy buffoon on a bit of a lark, not the stalwart, stubborn, determined fellow from the classic story most of us know and love. But you can't just blame Jim alone.

The animation is so tediously generic, it becomes hard to pay attention. Yes, it's pretty. Who-Ville is busy and off-kilter and does a fair job of interpreting the original illustrations and fleshing them out. Yes I admired how far computer technology has come to be able to render water droplets so realistically. But I don't think that should have been the main focus of the viewer. I found my mind wandering to the movie preview I had seen for the newest "Ice Age" installement. ("Dawn of the Dinosaurs", out in 2009. Looks fun.)

The full-length story and animation are full of distractions from this simple hero's tale. I certainly don't think my children, or any others in the audience today, would be able to tell you the theme of the story.

The big loser here is Horton himself, and his urgent message.

"A person's a person, no matter how small." This is so simple and poignant, a child could understand.

Unfortunately, this message is all but drowned by the clowning and grand-standing of the various characters. A celebrity voice, well-cast and discreetly placed, can be a true joy. Stuffing your film full of hot, current comedic stars in roles that don't require amps-to-eleven, face-pulling, jazz-handing performances steals from the plot.



I could have saved the production company barrels of cash by hiring proper voice actors, rather than current comic "celebrities". Even Steve Carell, whom I LOVE, could have stayed home. The only actors who, um, acted, were the always amazing Carol Burnett as the sour Kangaroo; and the fun Will Arnett as the evil Russian vulture, Vlad, which was a pleasant surprise.

My kids deserve better, and so do yours. I learned my lesson. Next time another "Dr. Suess" film rolls out, I'm sitting down with my kids to read them the book. AGAIN. It's far more interactive, and I think they like the sound of my voice better than Jim's.

You can just mail the million dollar cheques to my agent. *wink*

The X-Files: The Film is Out There!

X-Philes: Let us Hold Hands and Sing Hallelujah!




X-Files stars unveil release date for next film

Updated Wed. Mar. 12 2008 12:44 PM ET

The Canadian Press

VANCOUVER -- The truth is out there and it's coming to Vancouver this afternoon.

The stars of the long-running X-Files television series, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, will be in the city to officially announce the next motion picture to spin off from the popular science-fiction drama.

The two actors, who starred for nine seasons as detectives Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, will also be joined by series creator Chris Carter and executive producer Frank Spotnitz, co-authors of the latest screenplay.

The film is slated for release on July 25, 2008.

Producers are keeping the name of the film under wraps but say it will take the always-complicated relationship between Mulder and Scully in unexpected directions.

During its early seasons, the X-Files was filmed in Vancouver but Duchovny raised the ire of local residents when he had production moved to California after complaining Vancouver's climate was too rainy.

I'm sorry, but the fangirl in me just wants to jump up and down! Hooray!!!



I mean, C'MON! Mulder and Scully. W00t! I'm kinda happy about this.

See you on opening weekend!

There Will Be Milkshakes!

I am going to watch the Oscar-nominated film "There Will Be Blood" this weekend. We both know I'm gonna be yelling "I drink your milkshake!" before the credits roll, so...

What better beverage to accompany it than the long-lost, oft-forgotten, limited-time-only Shamrock Shake? Since Daniel Day-Lewis is Irish, I thought it was the right thing to drink... and besides, I don't like Guiness.

Since I've never had the --er -- pleasure of tasting one before, my tastebuds are quivering in fear and anticipation. What is it, exactly? The strange luminous green colour? The odd smell? The fact is was introduced in the 70s by a green, Irish relative of Grimace's - namely Uncle O'Grimacey, who only came over once a year to deliver this delicacy to his purple nephew?

It's altogether an odd combination, and no one knows for sure, not even the McEmployees, if it is just a Vanilla shake dyed green, or actually Mint flavoured. One sip is not conclusive enough.

I'll let you know after both the Milkshake and the movie are over.

Juno what? I don't buy it.

This movie doesn't deliver.

Yes, it is true that it was nice to have a movie in Best Picture contention this year that did not have a psychopathic, blood-thirsty ruthless killer in it. As Jon Stewart said during the Oscars telecast, "thank God for teen pregnancy!"

While "Juno" is cute, and jaunty, and takes on a slightly askew point of view that others find refreshing; I certainly cannot agree that it is realistic in any capacity. The gushing reviews for Ellen Page are unwarranted, and it's not the young Canadian actress' fault, necessarily.

The Academy awarded screenwriter Diablo Cody (not her real name, but the former exotic dancer's stage name) her first Oscar for penning a script that is pedantic and insincere, and tries far too hard to come off as cool, rather than heartfelt.

This makes it impossible for any of the actors to appear natural or speak normally. Page's title character, Juno, is smooth-talking and unflappable; do you know any young woman who could possibly be so unruffled upon finding herself pregnant in such a situation? Me neither.

Both her relationship with her parents and her boyfriend, and the dialogue that ensues, are plastic and shallow. The parents, played against type by Allison Janney and J.K. Simmons are supposed to be supportive and non-judgemental; which only succeeds in having them steal every scene they are in, but does not offer a practical view of any parents' normal reactions to their daughter's predicament.

The lovely Michael Cera is clueless as the hapless boyfriend, a charming sort of lovable loser, played with sweetness by the actor, but again unfortunately left to stumble over the hurdles of Cody's dialogue.

Jennifer Garner does a tidy job as the prospective adoptive mother, showcasing some honesty she's developed as a result of being a new mother herself. Here I found that first-time director Jason Reitman (Ivan's son) leads her to some obvious characterizations that distract the audience from sympathizing with Garner's character's plight. The perfect home, the buttoned-up wardrobe, the wringing of hands all take away what might have been a believable role.

To my surprise, the only actor who got away with making his role both sympathetic and honest was Jason Bateman, whom I had long ago written off as a mediocre child star. He inhabits the reluctant adoptive father role with such ease that he shrugs off the shackles of the painful script with an open smile and an honesty that for once allows the audience to engage with the story.

While this film has it's charms, they are tarnished by a coat of lacquer so thick you can't see the natural beauty "Juno" could have had.

Who likes to rock the party?

Once upon a time, I was a normal, functioning person. I got my kids to school on time, I remembered to feed them at night, I used to know the colour of my husband's eyes.

Then I saw a little show that changed all that. A summer replacement program on HBO.

I used to call my friends occasionally. I even remembered my Mother's birthday. Now my only friends are virtual, crazy, like-minded fanatics of this same little show. We quote lines to each other. We scour the international on-line world for news, press, and you-tube videos of shaky camera-phone footage of the two actors who play the leads. We have intense conversations about sideburns and facial hair.

The television series "Flight of the Conchords" has ruined my real life. I'm a wreck. I can't think of anything else, can't perform a daily task without humming a goofy tune. Can't say "yes" properly anymore, without a New Zealand accent. Can't stop smiling when I see the Red Delicious apples at the grocery store. When I'm mad at someone, I want to poison their asses with poisonous gasses. It's become a serious addiction. I think I need a support group.

Thank God I have one.

We like-minded sufferers of this FotC madness have formed a club. MySpace Groups. There are buttons. Dress-up Theme days. You think I'm kidding.

I'm not.

From all over the world, people have been sucked in by its' groovitational pull to come together, and it's pretty far out, man. Despite wicked time zone differences and age differences and cultural differences, these women act and think as one heart in a body with multiple heads and arms. It's kind of a Zen experience, to know there are others who believe that two minutes in heaven really IS better than one minute in heaven... and can sing along.

So even though my RealSpace life is a master class in monotony, monogamy, and dirty dishes; my fantasy life is vivid and lurid and passionate and exciting and glamourous, and I have two men and an astonishing group of women to thank for it.

I love you cool-looking idiots. You rock the party.